Maybe it was because we hadn't had much sleep because we had a show the night before, or it was because God answered my and my friends prayers. (I think it was the later)But after we played at the youth group sunday morning I wanted us all to go out to eat but the guys were wanting to go home so I told them that I wanted to talk to them first.

The closer we got to the end of our set the more nervous I got about telling them. I didn't know how to do it. I knew that I couldn't just say, "I quit, I am not moving to Seattle." I knew it had to be done well. The closer I got to the time I had to tell them the harder it got and the more I prayed to God asking Him what to say. Then right before the last song Martin, the singer, started to talk to the kids about how God has given all of them hopes and dreams and that they should follow those dreams, not to give up on them. I thanked God because He gave me a way to tell them.

So back to when I pulled them aside, I asked Martin if he remembered what he said before the last song and he said yeah and I said, "Well..." Then Randall, the drummer, said, "You're not going are you?" I shook my head and said that I couldn't. They were really understanding and they said that they were sad and I was too. But I was thankful because they want me to play with them till they leave. I was hopeing and praying for that. Thank God. He is so good!

What was also awesome was that Miles, the guitar player, thanked me because I always talk to weird people. Like, the bar tender at the phycho club, the tattooed and peirced sound guy and the random people who hit on me. I would always talk to them about God. He said that he learned alot from me and he is going to continue my work. I was so thankful and excited about that. That is my heart.

I absolutly LOVE Tegan and Sara. (It's a band) I even wake up singing their songs.

I quit my band Harrison but I get to play with them till they move in August. I will miss them. Oh so sad.

I am going to start an all girl band.

What should I name my all girl rock band?

I need to take a shower and a nap.

I need to loose alot of weight.

I have worked out four times this week. I world record for me.

I love House Church!

I need a vacation.

12 days and counting till I go home to cali! Yeah ya!

I can't wait to see my family and friends back home.

It is now 6:41am and I have not slept yet and I have to go to a conference in and hour and 19 minutes.

At least I don't have to drive.

I think this list is long enough now.

So we played our show and the people gave a good response and it seemed they really liked our music. Which is good.

Then I was putting my cab next to the door so that I could carry it down the stairs later and this drunk chick came up and rubbed her body up against my side! I stepped away and looked at her and smiled and said hello. She went on and on about how the show was so good. I thanked her and she told me she wanted a CD. I asked her for the $10 and we walked over to where the CD's were. Then she asked me if I could sign it and I told her I hoped she liked the CD as much as she liked the show. She rolled her eyes and said, "F*** the music, F*** the CD! Your gorgeous!" I was shocked out of my mind! I was not expecting that at all! She said that a few times. So I sold her the CD and signed it and then she left.

I told the guys in my band and they laughed at me, of course. Then they told me that lesbians hit on me all the time. I did not believe them at all but they said that it happens all the time and I don't realize it. I think that is an over-exageration. But that's ok.

So a question this brings up is, do I look like a lesbian? I don't have anything against them but my door doesn't swing that way. Is there something that I do that makes them think that I want that kind of attention? I didn't think so. I don't flirt with them, I don't flirt with anyone. I probably wouldn't even know how if I wanted to.

Well i don't think that I do anything. I will just be myself. What else is there for me to do?

At dinner after the show we were all talking and they kept on talking about what it was going to be like living in Seattle, going on tour in Japan. Then they were saying that three of the bands that we play with alot are going on a west coust tour and that they would be in seattle when we are there and that we should all do a show together. I got so excited and I was thinking I can't wait to do that. That would be so fun! Then I remembered tht I won't be there. It made me so sad. I really hate this it is so hard.

I think this is the best thing for me to do. I really do. But I am worried that the guys are going to say something to me tomorrow that will make me change my mind for a little while then I would just have to go through all this turmoil again. I just hope that everything works out ok tomorrow.

Before I would talk to him about thinking about quitting my band and he would tell me to go it's a one time opperutunity. Even just before Christmas when I was going to break up with the band then he seemed so upset with me that I was doing that.

Then we went on a trip for two weeks to New Orleans to help clean up and I think he got to know me a bit better on that trip. Then we were doing house church together and he realized that I was good at teaching and he put me in charge of that.

Now that I have really made the decision that I can't go with the guys to the mainland to make it big he is so supportive! I was so shocked. He said that he thought it ws a long time in comming and that he thought I was doing the right thing.

So I was thinking, yeah he likes someone else, but that someone else is in another state over and ocean. I get to see him every week and she doesn't. They have longer phone conversations together but that's ok. I was thinking I need to just be a bit more patient. Wait a bit longer and he will realize that I am the one that he is supposed to be with. We will see the results of my patience some day. It will either end in happiness that I get to be with him or happiness that he is happy.

On top of all this homework and research I have been going to class, working two jobs (one at night and one in the afternoon) going to church, preparing food for church, preparing lessons for church and playing shows with my band. On top of being so busy I think I am burnt out. I don't have enough time to relax.

When I do have time to relax all I can think about is how I am going to break up with my band on sunday after we play for some youth group. It really sucks. The guys are going be sad and try to make me stay with them which will be hard enough as it is but I will have to keep my foot down and make sure that they understand that I can't stay with them and move to the mainland. I don't want to live that life. I know that music is not my passion and that missionary work is. I know that there will be times like last year when the tsunami hit South Asia or when the hurricane hit New Orleans, I am going to want to get up and go there and help the people. But if I am with my band I won't be able to. I will feel trapped and eventually I will feel resentful of them. It sucks because i love the music and I love the guys and it would be so fun to move to seattle and try to make it but I just can't. I can't.

So through all this crap I am going through it really makes me want to go home. I really need to be away and just hang out with my family. I miss them. 20 days till I go home! The countdown is on! I can't wait! Cheee Hooo!

Victor Bregeda does surrealist work. His painting reminded us of Dali's work. But I enjoyed Bregeda's work better. He painted these pieces with so much meaning behind them. They were amazing. You would look at them and you would not even know that it was called Adam and Eve. The more that we looked at the painting we would see so much more meaning. At one point I almost wanted to cry because it was so beautiful, so meaningful.

One thing that it made me think about is that God is so beautiful. God makes me stand in awe of Him when I see His creation. When I see the sun rise, when I see the mountains, the ocean I can do nothing but stand in awe. Bregeda's work did the same thing to me. I can understand that God is the great creator but it is so awesome to me that He creates someone, a person, who can create something so beautiful. God is so amazing to me.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeing new landscapes, but in having new eyes."

-Marcel Proust

Well just so you all know I am not complaining! I had a great time in Maui. I had asked my roommates to come with me and they did. I was so thankful. I think I would have been horribly miserable without them.

I had rented a car because the town she was having her wedding was far from the airport. So, because I and cheap, I got the economy car. Well, when I was picking up the keys the woman behind the desk asked me if I would like to upgrade my car, at not extra fee, to a Jeep Rangler! I thought to myself, "you think you even have to ask?" Of course I wanted the FREE upgrade! That jeep was so fun. I loved it!

The trip was for the most part really fun. After the wedding and Luau it was only 9PM and so we had some time before we wanted to go to bed. So we went out on a search for dessert. On the way we saw an art gallery and walked through the door. We had to stop because the art was so good! An hour later we hadn't even made it ten feet past the front door. We went back the next day. I will write more about the art later.

We also went to an open market and I got four new pairs of dangly earrings! I over doubled my earring collection! Yeah ya! I was so excited. I even bought a skirt. It is a wrap around skirt. It is kind of weird. The skirt has two different fabrics and the two fabrics don't match each other. It is really weird! I love it though. I think it matches me. I might even wear it tomorrow for easter and to a pot luck I have to go to.

Well after I had started blogging again I was writing just for myself and I didn't think anybody was reading because no one left me comments and that's fine. Really it is. But i remembered that before one of my co-workers had made it to the Hot Blog page before and I knew that he was still blogging so I went to check.

While I was checking for his name (I was going to put his tblog name on here but I don't know if he will be mad that I tell all of tblog that we know each other out side of tblog) I saw my name on there. It was something like #91 or something. I was kinda surprised but didn't really think much of it. Then it seemed like my visit counter was rising at an alarming rate. I was still not getting any comments so I thought that there might be a glitch in the matrix oh wait I mean tblog. So I went and checked the Hot Blogs page and there I was past my friend in slot #62 or so. I was so shocked!

That night I was at work and I told my friend all of that and he said, "Wow, your popular!" I was shocked because I don't think I am. I think that there is a glitch.

So then I was talking to my friend at work tonight and he had told me about my possition on the hot bloggs and I started going off about the glitch in the matrix/tblog. It didn't make sense to me because it is not like I blog about anything important you know. It is all random stuff about relationships and lack there of, weight loss and religion. Who wants to read about that?

So my friend was telling me that there is no glitch. I didn't believe him so he told me to think about it a little bit. My blog is called "the deep blue". There is a movie called "the deep blue" at that point I really flipped out! I made up "the deep blue" a long time ago! Then they go and steal my name! How dare they! What the heck! (the funny part is that I have seen that movied and it never occurded to me that it was the name of my blog. So of course there are people who are clicking into my blog land! They are google searching the movie and here is my blog! Just a click away! That made me really mad. I would rather there just be a glitch! But the most worst part is THERE IS A MOVIE WITH MY BLOGS NAME! THAT I MADE UP!

Oh well, it's ok I guess. I will live. It is ok that they took my name. I will forgive them. Although I am sure they don't even know that I exist.

The first time it happened to me I was at my friends going away party. He had purchased $2000 USD worth of alcohol. I had had three drinks because I had to work that night. The cops had shown up and told everyone to go home. The party was at my friends town house out side. So we were leaving to have an after party at my other friends house where we have church.

I was standing in the parking lot waiting for all my friends to get there and this girl (who had had a few too many glasses of wine) walked up to me and rubbed her body up against mine. Front to front. I had never met her before but I knew that she knew my friends. So I stepped back and was understand of her because I knew she drank too much. She introduces herself and then askes me if I can do ten raise the roofs with a straight face. I was confused at first but then she clapped her hands and wiped the smile off her face and put her hands in the air, palms up and did about four "raise the roofs". I understood what she wanted me to do and so when she promted me to do so I did ten "raise the roofs" with a straight face. She was so moved that she closed her eyes and put her hand on her chest and told me that I was "hard core". WEIRDO!

Tonight my band played a show with a band that I had seen at a big concert and had heard of alot before. Well it was before we went up on stage and I was standing there and this woman came up behind me and rubbed her body up against me. Front to back. I moved out of the way and the girl walked away. I mean what the heck is up with this? I know I don't look like a lesbian. I mean I do wear boy pants and black t-shirts but I don't have a boy hair cut and I do wear dangly earrings. I hope I don't look like I want girls to rub their bodies up against me.

The good thing that happened tonight is that the girl who rubbed herself up against me tonight came back and apologized because she thought I was somebody else. That is reasuring.

I really like this one boy. I think that our lives would really fit well together. The more I get to know this guy the more I like him. Sometimes I think that I love him. My roommates tell me that I am "in love" with him but I don't think so. I think that if he was to like me back then I will be "in love" with him.

You see, I don't think that it is possible to be "in love" with someone if they don't love you back. It has to be a two way road. It is not possible to be "in love" without the love being recipricated.

If you are friends, is it true that you cannot become more than friends?

What does a girl need to do to get a guy to like her?

What if the guy doesn't like flirters? What do you do then?

Should a girl straight up, all balls out, tell a guy that she likes him?

The reason I am writing this post isn't just to tell you that I am working out but that there was a funny thing that happened. I am sure that no one really cares if I go an work out or even if I am chubby or not.

We were working out and part of the class was that you had to put these rubber band things around your knees and then do lunges across the room. Steph didn't like the rubber band thing so she put it back and just did lunges across the room. She likes to make this weird noise all the time, it's a noise like she is constipated. She mostly uses it when she is on her way to sit down or about to stand up. After the last time we worked out she said that she thought she should have made the noise while we were exerciseing. So when she was doing the lunges she started to make that noise and then she makes a constipated look on her face when she does it. Since we were in the back of the group everyone was standing watching us go and she didn't even have a rubber band on her legs and she had that face and was making that noise. In the class today there were these cheerleader girls and one of them was standing there watching her and this girl had the funniest look on her face. She wasn't shocked or discusted she just had a look of confusion. She looked like she didn't know what to think of Stephanie. I was laughing soo hard. It was a great time! What can I say? I'm weird!

We had a hard time. The class was and hour and a half long and by the end of the first half and hour we were so tired and we didn't think that we would make it. Then this old lady in the class next to us heard us talking and she told us not to leave because we were going to do weights in 15 minutes. So we stuck it out and it turned out to be way longer than 15 minutes! But we made it through the whole thing. I am proud of us and I can't wait till we know what we are doing in the class.

We really want to loose weight so we are going to try to make it to three classes a week. I think that is a good plan. (Plus eating Special K with Strawberries)